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January 23, 2012

BRD - The Origin

The human beings with personality disorders are much more present than we think. Sometimes hidden behind the sanatorium doors, but sometimes freely wandering the city streets...
The Wicked ones. Distorted senses in distorted reality.

This particular Wicked one, is blind with the thought of how hated, alone and suffering he is. He is not aware of the deep wounds he carves into the flesh of his closest ones. Yes, they can forgive his insults, but marks and bad memory stays a long time. Unfortunately, the Wicked forgets that he ever said something bad to others. He is self righteous. Wicked is unable to forgive. He doesn't want to forget. And it's just for one reason -  to strike revenge, to bite and tear apart others in his way of spontaneous self-destruction. 

The world is guilty for the sorrow of the Wicked. He sees others as bad beings, who have no compassion or understanding for him. Only he is: ''sensitive'', so ''fragile'', so ''weak''... No one is as great as him. His weakness holds him back of coping with the reality. So, he creates his own.
His sensitivity and the inability to forgive, made the Wicked think, that the rest of the world including his closest friends, are against him.
The Wicked forgot about many good things others did for him. But he will always remember the smallest, insignificant word that he saw as an insult. For that reason, he alone, turned his back to others, feeling like it is the other way around.
The Wicked doesn't remember faces of his old friends anymore.

He stands close to the cliff fence, surrounded by the others who wish to help him.
He is yelling: ''You are the worst beings I have ever met. I'll end my life before your eyes, so you'll feel guilty, for everything you have done to me! It is all because of your ignoring, misunderstanding and hate you have for me! You'll feel sorry, if you don't please me! I give you the last chance to be my friends again!''

Funny isn't it? He was the only one who wasn't friendly.

If you, in all of your innocence, feel the urge to help the Wicked, be careful. He can drag you over the fence into the abyss of insanity -  laughing in your face, as you both fall together.
Wicked will be happy. For him, it will be the end for his torments, misunderstanding and sorrow. But he will be even more satisfied, knowing that he dragged down one "evil" with him. How sweet can the revenge be, even if that's the last thing he will ever do. Instead of realizing his own faults, he kills the nearest, the most naive. Instead of cleaning his soul, the Wicked takes revenge as the last resort.

Tumbling down on his way to doom, until the very end, he won't realise that he was the only evil one.

Heavy is the burden - knowing that you did, or tried to do everything the Wicked wanted, just to keep him happy - but he never really saw it.
He always looked at you from the darkness, blinded by the light you were offering him. 
He yelled at you: ''It' s too bright, it hurts. You want to destroy me!

The light is bad for the Wicked one. He is already deep in darkness. It hurts him, and every step and effort made, to enlighten his mind and pull him out from the darkness is pointless. 
Instead, you become endangered. You dim the light, to see if it fits his pale skin and watery eyes. You dim the light until the Wicked can bear it. You dim the light so you can talk to him.

But he might fool you.
If you need to shut the light completely, in order not to hurt the Wicked, then you just should leave. Leave him to rot and fall apart in his self-pity and loneliness.
You will know that you did the best you could. You'll know that you made an effort, reaching with your hands toward the Wicked to pull him out. But instead of letting you save him, he left the frozen black wounds on your hands. So you can remember, never to do it again.

You  shouldn't be sorry because you failed. You should be sorry because the Wicked didn't want to be helped. No guilt and no remorse. Just pure honest sorrow which will eventually fade away, as the Wicked falls deeper into the darkness. You won't be able to remember his face or voice, because he was constantly hiding behind others, in the shadows. But sometimes, he lost his shade and you could see the glimpse of his eyes and teeth as he bites that other, to punish him for disrespect and letting the light that hurts his eyes. Let it stay in the smallest corner of your mind. Leave it there. And then forget it. Forget his curses he cast on you. They won't have any effect. Live your life. The one who casts curse, is cursed already.

The complexity of personality disorder is huge. The amount of ridiculous situations caused by it, is infinite.
I used this to create little BRD. If you are able to look at things objectively, none of the life obstacles will be a problem. All of this is made to make us stronger, amuse us, and make us laugh.

So, don't ever stop laughing...